Giving birth is a significant life-changing experience for both parents; not only do they undergo mental and lifestyle changes, but the mothers also undergo physical changes. Months, and perhaps a year, may pass before one can go back to normal. It can be challenging for a new mother to get back into the swing of things when it comes to sexual intimacy after having a child.
When talking about sex after your partner has given birth, it’s important to be sensitive, understanding, and respectful. Here are some tips that will help you find a safe and helpful place to talk about this sensitive subject:
- Pick the right moment: Choose a time when both of you are calm, not distracted, and can be alone. Don’t start this talk when you or the other person is tired, stressed, or busy with other things. Finding the right time makes it easier for people to talk and pay attention.
- Use gentle and non-judgmental language: Be mindful of your language and tone during the conversation. Use kind, caring, and non-blaming words to express your feelings and concerns. Focus on “I” statements to convey how you are experiencing the situation rather than making assumptions or pointing fingers.
Example: Instead of saying, “You’re not interested in sex anymore,” try saying, “I’ve noticed a change in our intimacy since birth, and I wanted to talk about how we can navigate this together.”
- Start with empathy and validation: Begin the conversation by acknowledging and validating your partner’s physical and emotional state after giving birth. Recognize the physical changes she has undergone and the challenges she might be facing. Express your understanding and support, emphasizing that you are there to listen and work together as a team.
Example: “I want you to know that I understand how much your body has been through during pregnancy and childbirth. I appreciate all that you’ve done, and I’m here to support you in any way I can.”
- Ask open-ended questions and actively listen: Encourage your partner to share her thoughts and feelings about intimacy and sex. Ask open-ended questions that invite her to express herself openly. Listen attentively without interrupting, allowing her to fully articulate her concerns, anxieties, or any potential discomfort she might be experiencing.
Example: “How have you been feeling about intimacy since birth? Is there anything specific that worries you or makes you feel uneasy?”
- Be patient and understanding: It’s important to be patient and understanding throughout the conversation. Validate your partner’s emotions and concerns, reassuring her that her feelings are valid and that you are committed to finding solutions together. Avoid pressuring her or making her feel guilty about her desires or boundaries.
Example: “I understand that your body and emotions have undergone significant changes, and it’s important for us to go at a pace that feels comfortable for you. Let’s work together to find a way to reconnect and prioritize your well-being.”
- Offer reassurance and affection: Reassure your partner of your love and attraction to her, emphasizing that your concern stems from a desire to deepen your emotional and physical connection. Show affection and physical closeness without putting pressure on her for immediate sexual intimacy. Small gestures of love and non-sexual physical touch can help rebuild trust and intimacy gradually.
- Explore alternative forms of intimacy: Understand that sexual intimacy doesn’t solely revolve around intercourse. Encourage open communication about different ways you can both experience closeness and pleasure that align with your partner’s comfort level. This might include cuddling, kissing, massages, or simply spending quality time together.
- Seek professional help if needed: If you or your partner are experiencing significant difficulties or emotional distress related to postpartum intimacy, consider seeking guidance from a healthcare professional or a couples therapist. They can provide specialized support, guidance, and strategies tailored to your unique situation.
Remember, the key to discussing sex after childbirth is creating a safe and empathetic space where both partners feel heard and understood. Patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt and explore new ways of intimacy will help you navigate this transition together while prioritizing your partner’s comfort and well-being.
